extemporally | I DO NOT need cab icons. I DO NOT.

So the other day I was saying, like, You know what would be awesome? ARRANGED MARRIAGE FIC WITH CASH AND SINGER. Like, I haven't read much Cab fic, so it could technically exist, but there has been so much arranged marriage fic with Panic and while I'm totally not complaining, if anyone's married, Cash and Singer are, totally. I mean, besides Butcher and Sisky, but between them it could only be a love match. Not even an arranged-marriage-turning-out-to-be-love-match. to

colouredmango.

Encouraged by her, I elaborated:

Singer would be the girl, obvs. Cash the unschooled adolescent man-boy who doesn't know what to do with a wife - and he's like "OH WAIT YOU'RE A GUY" and then he's equally clueless. Probably makes some insensitive remarks about sex, Singer glares at him and holds out until, like, they GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER. They probably get married because Singer's family is genteel but broke, and Cash is the son of a previous rake-about-town, and somehow his reputation is in shreds. (Do not ask how that happened, basically it does okay it is not hard. Scandalous tattoos? Idk.)

There would be many shenanigans! At the end Singer, like, falls off a horse and when Cash hears he DASHES to wherever Singer is and goes "are you okay??" very anxiously. He was probably doing something really hard and nerve-straining at that point, LIKE! He entered a bet with some other rake about how... he, uh, HAD TO DO SOMETHING VERY BRAVE OKAY I'M NOT SURE WHAT BUT GENUINELY BRAVE THAT IS THE REGENCY EQUIVALENT OF DRIVING FOR EIGHT HOURS and then Singer's all "oh, I'm fine, because I fell the way you told me to fell and got my elbows away from the horse WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE GO BACK GO BACK YOU CAN'T LOSE THE BET" and then obviously Cash wins and he is triumphant (his triumphant little face!!) and then they have sex. :DDDDD

And, when we finally met online:

colouredmango: I think Cash could easily be a rake that won his fortune and now his mentor Pete desires him to marry into respectability
mm, I love morning

unlurkster: YES. like how leonardo dicaprio won his titanic tickets in a game!!

colouredmango: EXACTLY BUT BIGGER AND MORE MANNERLY

unlurkster: DUDE THE PERSON WHO LOST AGAINST HIM CAN TRY TO SEDUCE SINGER

colouredmango: LOL, rakish Cash drunk at the card table, throwing donw the winning hand

unlurkster: IT'LL BE A+++ AWESOME

colouredmango: CAN IT BE WILLIAM BECKETT??????
OR BRANDON FLOWERS???

unlurkster: OMG LOLLLLLL

colouredmango: This is some serious A+

unlurkster: WILLIAM BECKETT WOULD BE A+++. LIKE, HE HADN'T INTENDED TO GAMBLE OK!
he wanted to prove like, gambling sucks, it's for lame-o losers
and then the next thing you know
he's lost like FIVE THOUSAND POUNDS

colouredmango: and Cash is an irish pretender, ok, he's not even noble, Pete and Spencer are helping him pull of f the illusion!!

unlurkster: not cool you guyz

colouredmango: LOL BECKETT EFFECT

unlurkster: HE ALWAYS KNEW HE HAD AN OBSESSIVE PERSONALITY OKAY
BUT HE THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST WRT, LIKE, WOMEN AND POETRY AND RUBIK'S CUBES
not gambling! that is so lame

colouredmango: LOL THIS IS THE REGENCY!1!! CHESS NOT RUBIK'S CUBES!!

unlurkster: YES EPIC CHESS GAME WITH SAPORTA OVER LONG DISTANCE Y/Y??

colouredmango: DUde this can totally slot into the Imaginary Regency Romance world!!!

unlurkster: THAT QUICKLY BECOMES METAPHOR FOR SEX

colouredmango: WRITE THIS AND MAKE ME HAPPY!!
OF COURSE
YYYYYYY

unlurkster: LOLZ CHATFIC!!

colouredmango: YAY

unlurkster: dude I so would except that cash and singer are, like, BUCKETS of fail
I'M NOT SURE I COULD PORTRAY THEIR FAIL

colouredmango: DUDE

colouredmango: Cash threw down his hand and smirked at Beckett over the table. "I believe," he slurred in his usual Irish lilt, "That the trick goes to me, m'lord."

Beckett's eyes widened comically as Cash reeled in his vowels and searched for the exit. One mark, after all, was the same as another, even in this high stakes game, even among Londion's vaunted Ton. Cash wasn't going to risk Beckett's anger by lollygagging over his cards.

unlurkster: LOLLYGAGGING <3

colouredmango: Beckett suprized him by raising his ever present glass. "Well done, Mr. Colligan. "
Cash inclined his head, careless. "Well played, m'lord."
"Do you always win fortunes at play?" he heard whispered, as he stepped away from the table.

unlurkster: (CAN THERE BE FAILY POISONING?)

colouredmango: SINGER IS PENNILESS AND ALONE OK?? PETE AND SPENCER KNOW CASH CHEATED/IS A BIG IRISH FAKE
THERE CAN TOTALLY BE FAILY POISONING!!!
AND THEY FORCE CASH TO MARRY HIM SO SINGER WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF!!
"Not always, Mr. Smith," he said with a careless grin. "I'm inclined to leave while the lcuk is mine, but I'll feel pleased to take your's another night."

unlurkster: "He has," Pete said distractedly, running the tip of his finger along the rim of his wineglass so that it made a resonant sound, "He has - he has - what would you say it was that Deleon has, Spencer?"

colouredmango: "Stay a minute," Spencer SMith, the Fifth Earl, said quietly. "I would share a word of conversation with you."

unlurkster: Ryan put in, "Polish," quickly, before Spencer could even open his mouth, looking absurdly pleased with himself. Spencer rolled his eyes.

colouredmango: resonant sound,
ILU

unlurkster: "Ah, yes!" Pete said delightedly, his face breaking out into a smile which Cash couldn't help but think made him look extraordinarily like Farmer O'Donaghan's donkey, on market day. "Polish! And you, m'boy - I am sad to say - have none."
Cash inclined his head. "The truth, my lord," he said mock-sadly. "I'm just a simple country boy," he said, trying not to wiggle his eyebrows too much at the first syllable of country. Ross looked as though he was holding back a pleased giggle

unlurkster: "Yes," Pete said, clearly relieved. "And Deleon has plenty of it, while you have the filthy lucre, so perhaps you could - rub off on each other?" he looked filthily pleased at his punchline, while Spencer could not find it in himself to restrain a manly snort.
Cash let out a shocked laugh - also highly relieved. He thought, if this was how the upper classes spoke, why then, he wouldn't have any trouble fitting in with them at all.

colouredmango: YAY DIRTY PETE

unlurkster: BUT YOU KNOW THERE WILL BE TROUBLE WHEN PETE IS HIS ~ROLE MODEL

colouredmango: I KNOW

colouredmango: "I don't know what you expect me to do, gentlemen," he said slowly, rolling his glass of Smith excellent port in his hand, "with Deleon's Polish."

unlurkster: (I suddenly want, like, lots of fic where Pete hangs out with Ashlee and her A-list buddies and completely embarrasses them but she <3s him anyway)
"Well, if worst comes to worst, you could always start a boot polish company," Spencer said, sardonically
(I think Spencer would be a TOTAL snob!)

colouredmango: He's an EARLY
He knows what is due his rank, even if his bff is a crazy writer
EARL**

unlurkster: HE IS ONE OF THOSE NOBLE POETS, OKAY
he totally thinks Shakespeare's works were written by the Earl of Oxford!! CRAZY RYAN ROSS

colouredmango: "I'd rather not, my lord," Cash said congenially. "I find my current occupation suits me well enough."

unlurkster: SELF-MADE CASH

colouredmango: "I do not," Smith said grimly. "You've relieved a wealthy man of a small fortune tonight, COlligan. You've fleeced half the ton of amoubnts I don't like to mention. I know you don't have the pedigree to back up your plays at social graces, but Deleon has no need of some great breeding. Your new found fortunes will salvage his family, and in turn he will grant you some degree of respectability."

unlurkster: PROTECTIVE SPENCER!!!

colouredmango: "You'll marry the boy," Wentz said calmly. "Marry him soon. We'll tell the world it's a love match, they'll assume your new money has made your Irish breeding acceptable."

unlurkster: (*is* colligan an irish name, btw?)

colouredmango: "It's your only choice, COlligan," Ross
OH MY GOD IT IS THE MOST IRISH, IT'S LIKE, STRAIGHT OFF THE BOAT
Ross said dispassionately. "Unless you want your ruse revealed, your games made plain to the Ton."

unlurkster: Spencer totally gave him a pleased look there, didn't he? THEY ARE THE MOST MANIPULATIVE TEAM EVER when Ryan gets his head out the clouds

colouredmango: Cash shrugged, pretending a calm he didn't feel. "Your London society adores a new scandal. You think they won't laugh at Beckett losing at play to some Irish gamester? They crave another story to tear apart. Why not him? Why not me?"
"We won't allow that," Smith said firmly. He moved from the desk to lean over Cash, who tipped his chin up. "You arrive as if in the hour of Providence, COlligan. We will put you to use. ANd if you think such a man as Beckett has friends who will only stop at talking, you are sadly mistaken."
HE DID TOO

unlurkster: GABE! YOU ARE TALKING OF GABE WERE YOU NOT

colouredmango: "ANd are you a friend of his, my lord?" Cash drawled insolently. "SHould I fear this meeting?"
GABE IS THE SPANISH AMBASSADOR.
HE TOALLY
CONTROLS THE UNDERWORLD OR SOMETHING
I LOVE GABE

colouredmango: "THere's no need to feel threatened," Wentz said, amused. "We'll teach you how to go on, make you as acceptable as we can. JUst serve our purpose here."

unlurkster: "After all," Wentz added, "Deleon's a pretty thing - I assure you you won't be on the losing end, in this business."
"Just as long as you treat him well," Smith said, voice heavy with emphasis.

colouredmango: yaaaaay

unlurkster: Cash couldn't help but shudder a little, at that - although he thanked himself, that he trusted Ross and Smith couldn't see it - and as for the other side of things, he was Irish and had bedded many a maid - he couldn't see how this Deleon woman, whoever she was, could be a change.

unlurkster: "I'll do it," he said, finally, making sure to meet each and every one of them in the eyes. Pete looked very satisfied - why shouldn't he? and reclined back against the velvet covered sofa in the salon, sprawling his legs apart even further. Cash was seized with the sudden and not-so-inexplicable desire to shoot a catapult between his legs.
"We'll have to discuss the wedding clothes," he mentioned, eyes shut. Ross suddenly perked up, and gave Cash a slight smile and a rapt expression that made him feel very, very afraid.

colouredmango: Meeting DeLeon went well, in comparision. Cash was presented, bowed low over his hand, brushed a kiss over the back punctiously. Deleon didn't blush or pull away like most delicate well born flowers.

Then

colouredmango had to go off, but anyway. A+++ IDEA?

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I DO NOT. I DO NOT, OKAY. WHAT I NEED IS FOR YOU TO WRITE IT.

THIS IS GOOD TO HEAR. IS THIS GOING TO BE, LIKE, CRACKY? I SUDDENLY FEEL LIKE WOOBIE-FYING CASH AND MAKING HIM, LIKE "OH NOEZ THE TON I'LL NEVER FIT IN MY SPIRIT WAS MEANT TO BE FREE~~"

And then Alex teaches him to be, you know, more gentlemanly and sticks up for him a couple of times with the power of his bitchface. DOES SINGER HAVE A BITCHFACE.

OK YES THAT MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE. HE TRIED TO SCAM ALEX'S RICH UNCLE! BUT ALEX PLACED A HAND ON HIS AND SAID, "Honey, I'm a little tired," and gave him a Look that meant, if you fleece my nice Uncle Patrick (lol random, I KNOW), I will KILL YOU.

Cash gulps, and tells himself he's definitely not scared of this little dude he married. And definitely isn't turned on either.

YES YES YES. THEY ARE IN A CON AND JOHNSON AND MARSHALL ARE IN IT TOO AND THEY ARE FAKE SERVANTS BUT FALL IN LOVE WITH ALEX LIKE REAL SERVANTS DO!

Probably in love with someone else, Cash thinks, and shrugs. Well, too bad, Deleon is married to him now. Good lord - married - before the age of thirty, no less. His mother, bless her, would be so proud if she knew.

Except for the part where he's plotting to con half the ton, and that his wife is really a husband who isn't even Catholic. Cash shrugs, and says aloud, "You can't please anyone." Alex gives him a strange look, and Cash leers at him. "Not even you, it seems."

Deleon looks briefly frightened, before a cool expression settles on his face once more. "Just keep away from me, if you please."

"Easily done," Cash says, and settles back into his carriage, the stony silence broken only by the constant jiggly rhythm of the wheels going round and round. He wonders, idly, how unflappable Deleon thinks he's being.

Hi. Hi, this needs to exist. Yeah, like right now if possible.
:D

I DO NOT need cab icons. I DO NOT.

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