extemporally | No place to hide / you're fighting as a soldier on their side.

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No place to hide / you're fighting as a soldier on their side.

Yes, I know. Posting twice in a day? Such excess! But

nova33 said WE SHOULD CHATFIC OT3 and so I told her a story. A Johnny/Evan/Stephane story.

nova33: I THINK WE SHOULD CHATFIC OT3 TO CHEER ME UP.
please?

unlurkster: AT YOUR SERVICE DEFINITELY.
do you want to think about the plotline we have, or a new one?

nova33: Um...
Perhaps we could just talk about the lovely cutesy scenes?

unlurkster: okay! I also have another storyline if you want it

nova33: Which is?

unlurkster: the one where johnny's loved stephane for years, years and years, so long that he's managed to quash it down by now
the only reason why it isn't just a crush is it's been years and years and it never goes away. otherwise, on the surface, all is calm. they talk and chat and tickle each other and giggle. and for some reason, evan knows. he isn't more perceptive than anyone else
just that he watches johnny a lot, and one night after a competition he's at skaters' dinner when he's gazing at johnny and follows his line of sight
because the expression on johnny's face kind of hurts, and then he follows it and -- oh. he's looking at stephane. stephane is draped over someone's chair
and he's hugging the girl -- from this distance evan can't tell who it is. caroline kostner? stephane's nose is buried in her neck, and evan just thinks, oh.
and this is set when their rivalry is deepening, in the sense that their quotes are starting to get taken out of context and they don't greet each other at events like they used to
but that night evan feels itchy, between his shoulder blades and in between his fingers, so he catches johnny by the wrist as he leaves and says, "so. I've noticed the way you look at stephane."

nova33: Oh, Evan. Fail for subtlety.

unlurkster: and johnny kind of snarls at him and says, "what business is it of yours?" he doesn't bother asking or denying, because he was looking at stephane and he never bothered hiding it, and now, evan, the most obtuse person on earth, knows, fuck fuck fuck
Sent at 20:12 on Thursday

unlurkster: and evan kind of blinks, because that wasn't the reaction he was looking for, and he doesn't know what reaction he'd expected, and he doesn't know what to say now, so he just says, "don't worry. I don't think anyone else knows. I don't think anyone else's noticed."
and johnny points out, "you have."
"yeah," evan says. "that's because I was looking."
Sent at 20:14 on Thursday

unlurkster: and... johnny kind of bares his teeth and lunges at him, only evan catches his wrists, quick and easy, and just like that they're kissing.

nova33: NOT WHERE I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING, BUT OH MY GOODNESS.

unlurkster: and it devolves into sex in one of their hotel rooms!
I LIVE TO SURPRISE. \o/

nova33: I LOVE THAT EVAN CATCHES HIS WRISTS EASILY. THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT THAT THAT IS JUST UNBELIEVABLY HOT TO ME.
CLEARLY. SINCE I AM ABUSING THE CAPS.

unlurkster: and when evan thinks about it later, it's kind of really hard to characterise this sex in his head. some of it is angry, definitely, there were moments
like, the part just before evan pushed into johnny, johnny turned his head and said, "you'll never be as good as stephane was, at this," (in my head johnny and stephane totally hooked up), but he sounds too breathless about it to mind much
and, yeah, at that evan just snaps his hips forward really roughly, and johnny groans. it's definitely in reaction the insult johnny threw at him.
"no," evan mumbles, "but you'll never get all of him, anyway, so I'm all you've got." but the kiss he places on johnny's spine after he says that is surprisingly sweet.
evan's just really glad they're doing it in this position, johnny
johnny's stomach down on the bed, because looking at him would be too overwhelming right now
Sent at 20:19 on Thursday

nova33: YOU ARE BREAKING MY BRAIN.

unlurkster: ... and I'm not sure what happens after that! I think that they continue hooking up, and at some point it stops being, like, evan taunting johnny about stephane, and them just meeting to have sex, silently, and leaving after that to badmouth each other to the press
Sent at 20:22 on Thursday

unlurkster: one time they meet up after evan's said something particularly douchey about johnny, and johnny just holds him down and rides him and refuses to let him come

nova33: JFC.

unlurkster: or the time when johnny says -- "only two conversations, huh?" and then he snaps his hips forward and evan groans loudly. "I'm pretty sure we're past conversation here," and all evan can think is, it's not fair that johnny can still speak during sex. it's not fair.
then he doesn't speak, because he's coming too loudly.
Sent at 20:24 on Thursday

unlurkster: and the thing is, they only meet up a couple of times during the year, the rest of the time they're busy skating at opposite ends of the country. evan's glad for that, otherwise it would be too much like a normal relationship, something like an agreement. to prove it to himself the next time there's cup of china and stephane's there too, evan accosts him. stephane's kind of surprised, and at first it doesn't seem like they're going to have sex, because stephane just raises an eyebrow at him and is politely befuddled, but eventually they go out for drinks and evan gets too goddamn drunk
Sent at 20:27 on Thursday

unlurkster: that stephane has no choice to do anything else besides stagger back to his hotel room with evan's arm around his shoulders
(ok brb!)
Sent at 20:28 on Thursday

nova33: I LOVE YOUR BRAIN.

unlurkster: and maybe because alcohol? possibly lowers one's filter? evan mumbles things, he's a noisy drunk, and after a while stephane actually starts making sense of what evan's saying, things like he always liked you better and stephane, stephane, stephane and I can see where it starts, and. slowly stephane starts to put the pieces together, and it's surprising
Sent at 20:34 on Thursday

unlurkster: stephane never even knew johnny felt that way about him, and he never knew because johnny was always kind of annoyed when stephane cuddled him and was okay with gossiping and, in recent years, not so okay with sleeping with him, and maybe stephane himself had been waiting for a very long time
and I think the morning after, when evan says uneasily, hey, did I say anything I shouldn't have said, stephane says, no, not at all, but after a while evan says, please don't lie to me. i deserve to know. and eventually they both figure out they've got a little something for johnny
Sent at 20:37 on Thursday

nova33: Maybe a little.

unlurkster: ... and after this they both start a long distance relationship/mutual pining for johnny weir, and it's nice and funny, in that oh man you too kind of way, and evan texts stephane little emoticons whenever johnny's said something bitchy about him in the press again
Sent at 20:38 on Thursday

unlurkster: and one time they call each other to kind of, wallow, only it devolves into phone sex, and neither of them are actually certain how that happened but both of them agree it was really hot, and maybe they actually have something good.

nova33: DUDE.

unlurkster: evan thinks it mightn't be healthy to have a relationship with someone based on the fact that they're holding a torch for the same person as you are, but he doesn't know much about healthy. the next time they've got the same international assignment they meet and actually fuck, and it is good. really good. evan goes down on stephane and reaches up to press a couple of fingers against his collarbone, so that if stephane closes his eyes he can imagine there are two people
only he looks up and stephane's eyes are half-open, half-closed, looking down at him.
Sent at 20:41 on Thursday

unlurkster: the next time they cut out of a skating dinner early to go off to their hotel room to fuck, and evan tries, he tries so hard not to look back, but he does, and johnny's looking at the both of them.
he leaves anyway.
Sent at 20:44 on Thursday

unlurkster: "what are you looking at, evan?" stephane asks him, and this selfish part of evan (a very big part of him) wants to say nothing, but he says, "johnny was watching us," because he's been a little bit torn up inside with guilt because johnny loves stephane and stephane loves johnny, and he's done it all, he's the one to blame for the fact that johnny looks so miserable

nova33: (COLLARBONES.)
And oh, Evan!
Sent at 20:47 on Thursday

unlurkster: yesss. I think stephane says, "wait here", and kisses him, and darts back into the dining room, and evan knows he's going to ask johnny along for this... threesome thing, and he knows that's absolutely not what johnny would want, because johnny always told him over and over again that stephane was who he wanted. he decides not to disrupt the party any longer and walks back to his hotel room and tries not to think of stephane and johnny spending the night together.
the next morning he can't look either of them in the eye or at any of the other skaters.
Sent at 20:49 on Thursday

nova33: MY HEART. IT IS BREAKING.

unlurkster: I'M VERY SORRY
I WILL FIX IT I PROMISE
Sent at 20:51 on Thursday

unlurkster: to be honest they didn't do much the last night, johnny and stephane just lay in bed after stephane explained everything and what he thought evan and he wanted, this threesome thing, I think it might work, johnny, and johnny tried to wrap his head around it and meanwhile stephane kissed johnny. they just lay in bed and made out and talked softly
Sent at 20:52 on Thursday

nova33: N'aw.

unlurkster: and meanwhile evan is just heartbroken and he thinks, well thank god, our event is over. (I think stephane and johnny are commentating by this point? I don't know if I could deal with them ALSO competing against each other.)

nova33: (brb - need sustenance. keep talking!)

unlurkster: sure! I will have time to plot strategy >:)
Sent at 20:54 on Thursday

unlurkster: evan does what he always does in times of duress (and in times of ease and in times of happiness and in times of stress and sadness): he skates. he goes down to the rink during the night, because he can't sleep. the ice is gouged and ugly from the day's event, but it doesn't matter. he sails across the ice and goes through his routine fifteen or twenty times, until he falls for the seventh time and some strange figure flies at him from the side.
Sent at 20:58 on Thursday

unlurkster: "you fucking idiot," johnny says, eyes furious, and he curses at evan all the time while evan's struggling to his feet and stephane just extends a hand to him. they're all on their skates now, in the middle of the rink (johnny obviously didn't intervene earlier because he was struggling to put his skates on?)
and johnny says, "you're such a fucking idiot -- I never -- what did you --" and stephane just takes evan's hands in both of his and leans forward, to kiss him slowly.
it's a kiss that says a lot of things. evan isn't quite sure, but maybe it means we forgive you and I'm not angry and maybe even we love you
Sent at 21:00 on Thursday

unlurkster: and then they glide off the ice silently. tonight there's no question about where they're ending up. it's going to be all of them, together.

nova33: SERIOUSLY. MY BRAIN HAS EXPLODED.

unlurkster: \:D/
Sent at 21:03 on Thursday

unlurkster: this time they make love, and johnny and stephane work on evan, and it works really well. evan blurts, "I love you," during sex, and johnny's eyes are bright, like he's going to say something sharp, only evan's looking at stephane and squeezing johnny's hand as he pants it out, and stephane says, "me too, me too," and he ducks his head to kiss evan really hard and johnny rests a hand at the back of stephane's neck and shifts his hips again.
AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. \o/

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GOSH, your icon!! ♥

It actually makes sense. The tragic love affair between Johnny & Evan is just ONE LONG SERIES of misunderstandings and broken hearts and badmouthing each other to the press. Duh.

Don't go copywriting that idea; that's the plot of my current fic. Well, that and 'Adam Rippon is adorable.'

I am so undone by fics where people sleep together because they both want someone else, god.

You should tell me about your current fic! These are very steady premises to be basing your fic on. *nods*

I am having a ton of trouble trying to describe this fic. There's no THERE there, or else there is entirely too much there there. HANG ON I WILL JUST C/P /o\

The best part about being retired was that Johnny got to sleep in and then spend the day cleaning if there was nothing else scheduled. The worst part was how often there was nothing else scheduled, but whatever; Johnny was getting used to it. Lots of days he went skating and he had appointments and meetings and appearances. Some days he just... didn't.

The phone interrupted him in the middle of scrubbing the inside of his cabinets, trying to eliminate the stain where Paris had spilled vanilla extract and it had soaked into the wood a little bit. Johnny hit the speaker button and said, "Talk to me, darling," and then stuck his head back in the cabinet.

"Oh. Johnny? Hi. It's um. It's Adam?"

Johnny had known that from the ridiculous baby voice and the mild lisp that made him want to steal Adam and play dress-up with him forever. "Hey, honey," Johnny said. "What's up? If you hear weird noises I'm cleaning."

There was a tiny pause. "Well. Okay," Adam said. "So, I heard you're going to be at NHK next week? Is that um. True?"

Adam didn't need the kind of 'media training' Johnny had been repeatedly sent to, because he looked like the lead singer of a boy band and everything he said sounded like an interview in Tiger Beat. But he needed a little practice getting to the end of his sentences, in Johnny's opinion. "I've been asked to do some commentary and interviews and stuff," Johnny said. His voice echoed a little weirdly in the empty cabinet. "I'll be there for a few days, at least."

"Oh, great," said Adam, sounding relieved. "That's great, that's... Stéphane's not going to be there."

Johnny had spent a lot of time with Adam in Korea, and he was pretty sure if he waited long enough Adam would start making sense. "Sure," he said. It was a good thing he'd switched from bleach to vinegar, because he was breathing a lot of fumes in the confined space. He pushed himself onto his toes so he could really get his shoulder into scrubbing.

"And normally I'd just ask Stéphane, because I think he'd probably know, but he won't be there and I'm freaking out a little bit."

"You can ask me whatever," Johnny said. He stopped scrubbing long enough to put his hand on his hip and frown at his phone. "This isn't about sex, is it? Because I can talk you through the basics, but honestly you should probably ask your parents."

"I'm twenty-one!" Adam protested. "I've totally had sex."

Johnny cycled through the other questions people called him about in a panic. "Well, if you're wondering about blow jobs--"

"Johnny! God."

Johnny pushed on relentlessly. "--or anal sex or whatever, I can recommend some websites, but I'm not showing you myself."

He could actually hear Adam blushing over the phone. "No, I-- Augh. No!"

"You may be twenty-one, but you look about twelve, angelface, and I'm not going to debauch you. Call me in five or six years. Not that you aren't the prettiest, you know how I feel about your hair, but I just can't do it, I'm sorry."

"Would you please stop being an asshole?" Adam asked, halfway between aggravated and embarrassed. Johnny smirked at the phone a little. "I totally managed to forget that this is why I always call Stéphane, not you."

"You love me," said Johnny confidently, because he hadn't missed Adam's totally adorable crush during Festa.

Adam sighed. "Fine," he said. "Can I just ask you, please?"

"You're the one dithering around," Johnny said.

"Well it's more... I mean. You've um... You've hit on people, right?"

Johnny froze halfway through reaching for the vinegar. "That's a serious question?"

"Don't make fun of me," Adam whined. "Johnny. I need some advice. I don't know how to... I can't figure out... I have this crush."

"Please tell me it's not Stéphane," Johnny said. "He's just playing, he kisses everyone, he'll only break your heart." Johnny had figured that out after some seriously embarrassing moments, and he wouldn't put Adam through that on purpose.

"No! God, he's like my brother. It's um. It's a girl."

Really? Johnny wondered, but he knew a lot about people and expectations and assumptions so he managed not to blurt out his long-held suspicions about Adam and Jeremy. "A girl I know?"

"No," said Adam quickly. "You definitely don't know her."

It was really cute, the way Adam though the could lie. "So it's a skater," Johnny mused. "Hmmm. Is it Yu-na? You two were flirting in the Korean press last year."

"No," said Adam. "It's not her, it's... We're friends and I don't know if she likes me, but I like her, and I can't..." He trailed off.

Adam was friends with all the girls, it was something about looking like he could be on the cover of Lisa Simpson's Non-Threatening Boys Monthly magazine. Of course, Johnny was friends with the girls, too, but that was because they wanted to go shopping and gossip with him. "Give me a hint," Johnny said. He couldn't imagine why Adam thought asking Johnny was a good idea; Johnny had a reputation as the most disasterous dater in the USFSA, after the Drew Thing, and the Stéphane Thing. It was possible Adam had even heard about the Evan Thing, but Evan and Johnny had both worked really hard to make that rumor die, and most people thought it had never really happened. Johnny wasn't telling them differently.

"It's... Oh man, I really like her," Adam said. "Um. It's Mirai?"

Johnny cooed out loud, he couldn't help it. "Awww! That's adorable. Mazel tov, I'm sure you two will have a beautiful life together."

"No! Johnny! We're just friends, and she likes me as a friend and I've never really tried to ask anyone out but she's going to be in Nagano and I may actually throw up when I see her, because she makes my stomach feel all weird, and I don't think throwing up on her is a very good way to get a date, and I need you to help me. You're totally... You're you, you do this kind of stuff!"

"In my entire life I've asked one girl out on a date, and that was on a bet," Johnny said. "And she said no."

Adam moaned. "That's not what I mean."

Johnny posed against the counter, even though Adam couldn't see him. "You mean will I, Johnny Weir, share my life-long expertise at sex appeal and flirtation with you? Will I help you put tab A in slot B at the appropriate moment?"

"Oh my god, oh my god," Adam mumbled.

"Will I ensure a sparkle-rainbow filled future complete with white dresses, crying parents, and an army of adorable skating multi-ethnic munchkins? Of course I will," Johnny said benevolently.

"I just don't want her to laugh at me," Adam said.

"Mirai giggles at nearly everything," Johnny said. "Don't let it throw you off your game plan. Do you have a game plan?"

"No," said Adam miserable. "I don't know what to say. I haven't see her in a couple of months but we text a lot and we skype and aim. But I kind of thought that was a bad way to be like, 'I really like you.'"

Johnny pursed his lips. "You're making me feel old," he said. "Stop it. Listen, I'll see you in Nagano and I'll make sure you're fabulous and you'll tell Mirai you want to bear her children and everyone will live happily ever after."

Adam laughed. "You promise?"

"No worries at all," said Johnny. He was pretty sure that all Adam would ever have to do to get a date was smile and stutter, and he was equally sure that Mirai would say yes because she was a sweetheart. If it ended up being an awful date, well, the worst that could possibly happen was that they'd blush awkwardly at each other for an hour and then come home and... Johnny wasn't even sure. Adopt kittens to deal with their disappointment or something.

And if it worked out they would blind the world with so much cuteness that the USFSA would probably throw medals at them, just for funsies. "I get to be godfather," Johnny said, wrinkling his nose at his sponge. It was pretty gross, and the stain was still faintly visible. Paris was going to get a really stern talking to next time he came over, except he'd probably have done something else by then and Johnny would be distracted by a ripped bag or mud tracked on the carpet or something. "I get to spoil the kids outrageously, right? How do you feel about sparkly onesies for actual babies?"

"I don't think I want kids yet?" Adam said like a question.

"Of course not, you're still a baby," Johnny said, ignoring Adam's squawk of protest. "Make sure you pack clothes for dates, not just for practicing. I have to go sterilize my sponge, but text me when you get to Nagano so we can plot."

"You mean plan?" Adam asked.

"Sure, if that makes you feel better," Johnny agreed. "Kisses! Fly safe, honey."

Adam said, "You're the best, thanks," and hung up. Johnny really liked that kid. He deserved a good date with a pretty girl -- if girls were what he was into at the moment, Johnny still wasn't convinced, but whatever, it was Adam's life -- and Johnny could make that happen. He was a pro at setting up other people, even if all the dates he went on ended in fire and death and misery.

Johnny picked up his phone and dialed Paris. "Come over so I can pack and yell at you about my cabinet," Johnny said.

"You mean play dress up and take pictures and drink champagne," said Paris. "Give me an hour."

"If you say an hour you'll take four," Johnny complained.

"So you have time to get some actual packing done," Paris agreed. "I'll see you in a little while."

--

....I have no idea what I'm going to do about summarizing this fic. Well, I do; I'm going to warn people that they will have cavities and then I'm going to pick a random line of dialogue to quote. /o\

YOU NEED TO STOP TAUNTING PEOPLE (READ: ME) WITH THIS AND ACTUALLY FINISH IT, OKAY. THIS MADE ME SO MUCH MORE EXCITED I CAN HARDLY STAND IT.

I have 18,500 words of it! I'm just slightly stuck on exactly what incriminating text/pic/something Evan finds that ruins all of Adam's hopes and dreams. (Temporarily.) I know how it gets resolved, I'm just stuck on the obstacle.

<3 I AM NOT TAUNTING YOU ON PURPOSE. Have you already seen this scene?

I haven't, but you keep mentioning parts of it to me and I'm like, "I WANT THIS FIC LIKE A MONTH AGO." I am excited for it, if you couldn't tell. :)

(deleted comment)

Hee. <3 I hope I can finish the stupid thing soon.

BEST THING TO WAKE UP TO. EVER. \o/

It is impossible to write about Adam and Mirai in the same fic, let alone pair them up together, without inducing cavities (joyous ones!) so I'd say you're totally safe there.

"You mean play dress up and take pictures and drink champagne," said Paris. "Give me an hour."

Sometimes I kind of forget that this is actually canon. ♥♥♥

<3333

They are totally, totally cavity inducing, but hopefully the Johnny/Evan "I hate you/I love you/I hate you" stuff will balance it out a little?

...nah, probably not.

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