"Don't make fun of me," Adam whined. "Johnny. I need some advice. I don't know how to... I can't figure out... I have this crush."
"Please tell me it's not Stéphane," Johnny said. "He's just playing, he kisses everyone, he'll only break your heart." Johnny had figured that out after some seriously embarrassing moments, and he wouldn't put Adam through that on purpose.
"No! God, he's like my brother. It's um. It's a girl."
Really? Johnny wondered, but he knew a lot about people and expectations and assumptions so he managed not to blurt out his long-held suspicions about Adam and Jeremy. "A girl I know?"
"No," said Adam quickly. "You definitely don't know her."
It was really cute, the way Adam though the could lie. "So it's a skater," Johnny mused. "Hmmm. Is it Yu-na? You two were flirting in the Korean press last year."
"No," said Adam. "It's not her, it's... We're friends and I don't know if she likes me, but I like her, and I can't..." He trailed off.
Adam was friends with all the girls, it was something about looking like he could be on the cover of Lisa Simpson's Non-Threatening Boys Monthly magazine. Of course, Johnny was friends with the girls, too, but that was because they wanted to go shopping and gossip with him. "Give me a hint," Johnny said. He couldn't imagine why Adam thought asking Johnny was a good idea; Johnny had a reputation as the most disasterous dater in the USFSA, after the Drew Thing, and the Stéphane Thing. It was possible Adam had even heard about the Evan Thing, but Evan and Johnny had both worked really hard to make that rumor die, and most people thought it had never really happened. Johnny wasn't telling them differently.
"It's... Oh man, I really like her," Adam said. "Um. It's Mirai?"
Johnny cooed out loud, he couldn't help it. "Awww! That's adorable. Mazel tov, I'm sure you two will have a beautiful life together."
"No! Johnny! We're just friends, and she likes me as a friend and I've never really tried to ask anyone out but she's going to be in Nagano and I may actually throw up when I see her, because she makes my stomach feel all weird, and I don't think throwing up on her is a very good way to get a date, and I need you to help me. You're totally... You're you, you do this kind of stuff!"
"In my entire life I've asked one girl out on a date, and that was on a bet," Johnny said. "And she said no."
Adam moaned. "That's not what I mean."
Johnny posed against the counter, even though Adam couldn't see him. "You mean will I, Johnny Weir, share my life-long expertise at sex appeal and flirtation with you? Will I help you put tab A in slot B at the appropriate moment?"
"Oh my god, oh my god," Adam mumbled.
"Will I ensure a sparkle-rainbow filled future complete with white dresses, crying parents, and an army of adorable skating multi-ethnic munchkins? Of course I will," Johnny said benevolently.
"I just don't want her to laugh at me," Adam said.
"Mirai giggles at nearly everything," Johnny said. "Don't let it throw you off your game plan. Do you have a game plan?"
"No," said Adam miserable. "I don't know what to say. I haven't see her in a couple of months but we text a lot and we skype and aim. But I kind of thought that was a bad way to be like, 'I really like you.'"
Johnny pursed his lips. "You're making me feel old," he said. "Stop it. Listen, I'll see you in Nagano and I'll make sure you're fabulous and you'll tell Mirai you want to bear her children and everyone will live happily ever after."
Adam laughed. "You promise?"
"No worries at all," said Johnny. He was pretty sure that all Adam would ever have to do to get a date was smile and stutter, and he was equally sure that Mirai would say yes because she was a sweetheart. If it ended up being an awful date, well, the worst that could possibly happen was that they'd blush awkwardly at each other for an hour and then come home and... Johnny wasn't even sure. Adopt kittens to deal with their disappointment or something.
first scene con't
"Please tell me it's not Stéphane," Johnny said. "He's just playing, he kisses everyone, he'll only break your heart." Johnny had figured that out after some seriously embarrassing moments, and he wouldn't put Adam through that on purpose.
"No! God, he's like my brother. It's um. It's a girl."
Really? Johnny wondered, but he knew a lot about people and expectations and assumptions so he managed not to blurt out his long-held suspicions about Adam and Jeremy. "A girl I know?"
"No," said Adam quickly. "You definitely don't know her."
It was really cute, the way Adam though the could lie. "So it's a skater," Johnny mused. "Hmmm. Is it Yu-na? You two were flirting in the Korean press last year."
"No," said Adam. "It's not her, it's... We're friends and I don't know if she likes me, but I like her, and I can't..." He trailed off.
Adam was friends with all the girls, it was something about looking like he could be on the cover of Lisa Simpson's Non-Threatening Boys Monthly magazine. Of course, Johnny was friends with the girls, too, but that was because they wanted to go shopping and gossip with him. "Give me a hint," Johnny said. He couldn't imagine why Adam thought asking Johnny was a good idea; Johnny had a reputation as the most disasterous dater in the USFSA, after the Drew Thing, and the Stéphane Thing. It was possible Adam had even heard about the Evan Thing, but Evan and Johnny had both worked really hard to make that rumor die, and most people thought it had never really happened. Johnny wasn't telling them differently.
"It's... Oh man, I really like her," Adam said. "Um. It's Mirai?"
Johnny cooed out loud, he couldn't help it. "Awww! That's adorable. Mazel tov, I'm sure you two will have a beautiful life together."
"No! Johnny! We're just friends, and she likes me as a friend and I've never really tried to ask anyone out but she's going to be in Nagano and I may actually throw up when I see her, because she makes my stomach feel all weird, and I don't think throwing up on her is a very good way to get a date, and I need you to help me. You're totally... You're you, you do this kind of stuff!"
"In my entire life I've asked one girl out on a date, and that was on a bet," Johnny said. "And she said no."
Adam moaned. "That's not what I mean."
Johnny posed against the counter, even though Adam couldn't see him. "You mean will I, Johnny Weir, share my life-long expertise at sex appeal and flirtation with you? Will I help you put tab A in slot B at the appropriate moment?"
"Oh my god, oh my god," Adam mumbled.
"Will I ensure a sparkle-rainbow filled future complete with white dresses, crying parents, and an army of adorable skating multi-ethnic munchkins? Of course I will," Johnny said benevolently.
"I just don't want her to laugh at me," Adam said.
"Mirai giggles at nearly everything," Johnny said. "Don't let it throw you off your game plan. Do you have a game plan?"
"No," said Adam miserable. "I don't know what to say. I haven't see her in a couple of months but we text a lot and we skype and aim. But I kind of thought that was a bad way to be like, 'I really like you.'"
Johnny pursed his lips. "You're making me feel old," he said. "Stop it. Listen, I'll see you in Nagano and I'll make sure you're fabulous and you'll tell Mirai you want to bear her children and everyone will live happily ever after."
Adam laughed. "You promise?"
"No worries at all," said Johnny. He was pretty sure that all Adam would ever have to do to get a date was smile and stutter, and he was equally sure that Mirai would say yes because she was a sweetheart. If it ended up being an awful date, well, the worst that could possibly happen was that they'd blush awkwardly at each other for an hour and then come home and... Johnny wasn't even sure. Adopt kittens to deal with their disappointment or something.